


Uninvited

by mag_lex



Series: Prompts [2]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Hurt, One-Sided Relationship, Unrequited Love, unrequited thasmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-09 22:33:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19895425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mag_lex/pseuds/mag_lex
Summary: "In retrospect, the signs had been there all along. She'd just chosen to ignore them."Prompt fill for unrequited thasmin.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spifflycate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spifflycate/gifts).



> Eek. This was a tough one to write but thank you to my prompter! They asked for:  
> "can you straight up torture us with some unrequited thasmin? or yaz falls in love with the doctor earlier on, but the doctor doesn't until it's too late and yaz has fallen out of love/moved on?"
> 
> Here you go! Enjoy (if that's the right word :))

In retrospect, the signs had been there all along. She'd just chosen to ignore them. 

But that particular moment when she realised she’d fallen in love? The moment where everything had crystallised and taken shape so rapidly that it gave her whiplash? That had taken her by surprise. 

And it had come too late. 

* * *

Yaz hadn’t needed an alarm that morning. Then again, she never did when she was meeting the Doctor. Every week, without fail, she would wake before her phone could do the honours. It was as if her body clock was wound and primed for action and adventure. 

Yaz flung open the curtains with a flourish, scanning the view for the familiar outline of the TARDIS. It took a second, but she found it reasonably quickly - and with it, the form of the Doctor leaning against the doors. Yaz would put money on her flat being the first stop. The Doctor always seemed to collect her first, giving them moments alone together that Yaz cherished almost as much as their adventures. One-on-one time with the Doctor was a rare treat.

“Morning, Yaz!” the Doctor beamed, and Yaz tried to play it cool. It wouldn’t do to act too excited. 

“Morning,” she said, tamping down the grin that kept threatening to emerge and giving the Doctor a soft smile instead. 

“Figure you’d be up first, I reckon the others will be a good fifteen minutes or so. Cuppa?”

The Doctor held the door open for Yaz, beckoning her inside.

This was Yaz’s favourite part of the routine. She sighed happily as she settled onto one of the kitchen stools, watching the Doctor potter around the kitchen. _I wonder what it would be like if it was always like this. Just the two of us._

Yaz blushed as she realised where her thoughts were leading, accepting a cup of tea with a grateful nod as the Doctor pushed a packet of custard creams in her direction. 

“That’s not breakfast,” Yaz tutted, starting their familiar debate. 

“Says who?”

“Anyone over the age of five,” Yaz retorted, taking a sip of her tea. The Doctor always made it just how she liked it. They drank in comfortable silence for a few moments, the only sound that of the TARDIS humming. Yaz felt honoured to get to see this side of the Doctor, when she wasn’t putting an act on for anybody. And, of all people, Yaz got to see it. She wondered if Ryan or Graham ever saw this side to her.

It was so peaceful that Yaz almost jumped out of her seat when there was a knock at the door. 

_Speak of the devil_. 

The Doctor took another sip of her tea before looking apologetically at Yaz and heading off to let the others in. 

Although she was disappointed that their morning tea had been interrupted, Yaz couldn’t help but smile as she heard Ryan and Graham bicker their way down the hallway. 

“Okay, okay! Enough! I’m going to have to add referee to my repertoire at this rate,” the Doctor complained. 

“Doc-”

“What did I just say?” The Doctor raised an eyebrow at Graham. Ryan, wisely, remained quiet. 

“Since you’ve harshed my mellow, Yaz gets to pick our destination today. Alright, Yaz?” The Doctor strode over, letting a hand come to rest on Yaz’s shoulder. Yaz could feel the warm weight of her palm, even through her jumper.

“Yeah?”

“Anything for you, Yaz.”

* * *

“I swear you’re her favourite,” Ryan said, catching his breath as they reached the top of the sand dune. 

“Pfft. I don’t know what you mean,” Yaz demurred, equally breathless and caught by surprise by his line of thinking. 

“You don’t see it? She always looks out for you, you know. Makes sure you’re okay. I’m pretty sure she tells us to meet you about half an hour after she tells you.”

Yaz bit the inside of her cheek at that. 

“You’re just being paranoid,” she said, lamely. Honestly, Ryan’s thoughts had occurred to her, too, but she’d tried to ignore them because they were doing very little to help contain the raging crush she had on one blonde-haired alien. 

“Look, she’s not with me now,” Yaz stated, pointing up ahead to where the Doctor was scanning rocks with her sonic screwdriver. 

“Just watch,” Ryan muttered, lowering his voice as the Doctor stalked back towards them. 

“Alright, Yaz? Warm today, isn’t it?”

Ryan cleared his throat for emphasis and Yaz had to admit he might have a point. 

“Okay, Ryan?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just a bit of a sore throat.”

The Doctor frowned, seemingly unsure whether to believe him. Thankfully, Graham took that moment to rejoin them, before she could retrieve her sonic and check for an alien virus.

“No signs of life then?” Graham squinted in the bright sunshine, holding a hand up to his brow as he caught up to them. They’d reached the top of the dune, hoping that the height might help identify any clues as to where they were, but all they could see was sand stretching as far as the eye could see.

“Apparently not,” said the Doctor, squinting at her sonic. She pulled a face that Yaz always found endearing, her nose scrunching in frustration. 

“Odd, really. I could have sworn I picked something up, earlier. A signal of some kind.”

Yaz sensed something herself, then, while the Doctor was talking. She cast a glance at Ryan and Graham, who were both preoccupied looking out into the distance. If the Doctor hadn’t noticed it, perhaps she was imagining things. 

Yaz shook her head, trying to concentrate on what the Doctor was saying about sonic waves and interference, when suddenly there was movement underneath her feet. The sand was moving as if it was alive. Perhaps it was. She watched with an odd sense of detachment, as if she knew what was about to happen. There was just about enough time to look to the Doctor and shout in alarm as something wrapped around her ankle and tugged, hard. 

Yaz hit the ground and was pulled so rapidly that all she could do was try not to ingest too much sand as it flew up behind her. Above the roar of movement she could hear the Doctor calling her name in a panic, echoed by Ryan and Graham. Yaz let her arms flail for what felt like endless minutes, before they collided with a smack into something solid. A rock, one of several the Doctor had been scanning only moments previously. 

The skin of her fingertips tore as she grabbed hold of it, barely, Seconds later there was a jerk, a growl, and then a stinging sensation in her leg, right where she’d been grabbed. It felt like the limb was on fire and the pressure suddenly released as Yaz heard the sound of the Doctor’s sonic. 

“Let her go!”

The sound of the Doctor’s voice was welcome but her tone was not. Yaz had never heard her sound so panicked before. With the tension suddenly released, Yaz let go and slumped to the ground, already struggling to keep herself awake when the Doctor’s terrified face swam into view. 

“Yaz? Yaz! Are you alright?” 

Her tongue felt like it had swollen but had Yaz been capable of answering, she would have certainly replied in the negative. She felt utterly lousy, her vision swimming with multiple visions of the Doctor as she hovered over her anxiously. She could feel cool hands on her limbs, checking her over, and Yaz belatedly realised this was the first time the Doctor had really touched her. It was a shame it was under these circumstances.

The sound of the sonic was painfully loud and Yaz tried to bring her hands to her ears but realised she couldn’t move her arms. At all. Panic started to set in when it became obvious she couldn’t move. 

The Doctor seemed to pick up on her fear, releasing a string of curses when she examined the sonic’s reading. 

“Doctor!”

Ryan had caught up to them, panting for breath. 

“What was that? Is she okay?”

Graham’s pinched face swam into view above her head and Yaz tried to speak, to tell them what was wrong. Thankfully the Doctor could answer for her. 

“Poison. She’s been stung. We need to get her back to the TARDIS, now.”

The Doctor’s expression was stony, and despite the pain she was in, even Yaz could hear the change of tone in her voice. 

But as soon as the Doctor carefully slid an arm under her back to help her up, Yaz felt a spike of agony. She couldn’t communicate it but she knew the Doctor had picked up on it from the change in her breathing. 

“Easy, Yaz. I’m going to try something that might help. Okay?” The voice in her ear was warm, comforting. 

Hazel eyes held hers and despite being utterly terrified of the situation she found herself in, Yaz relaxed a little. The Doctor would look after her. She always did. 

“Just try to relax.” 

Then there was pressure at her shoulder and the world went dark. 

* * *

“She wouldn’t be here otherwise!”

“You can’t blame yourself.”

Voices permeated Yaz’s consciousness. It took her a moment to get her bearings; when she tried to move, and couldn’t, recent events came flooding back to her. She had to assume that she was in the TARDIS, going from the comforting hum she could hear, but the nearby voices were less reassuring, the tension obvious despite their hushed tones. 

The Doctor scoffed and Yaz sensed movement near her. A hand came to rest on her arm, fingers gently wrapping around her wrist to take her pulse.

“I can, and I will.”

The Doctor’s voice. It was quiet, almost subdued, but to Yaz it was the sweetest sound in the universe. She’d be alright with the Doctor here. 

“How were you to know this would happen?”

 _Graham_. From the sound of it, he was also nearby.

“Because things like this always do when I let my guard down. I’ve been sloppy, careless, even. I knew something wasn’t right, and look what happened. She could have died, Graham.”

Yaz felt her stomach drop. Had she really been that close to death? Considering she still couldn’t move, who was to say she would be alright, after all. She had to trust that the Doctor would help.

"I know. But she didn’t, and you’re helping her.”

Yaz felt her wrist being lowered again and instantly missed the contact. She wished she could speak, open her eyes, do anything to let them know she was awake. 

“I’m not.” The Doctor’s voice was low. “I’m using her.”

Graham sighed. Yaz felt nerves take flight. Suddenly, she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear this conversation. 

“Doc. Yaz thinks the world of you. She’d follow you anywhere, you know that?”

“Of course I do!” the Doctor said, exasperated “And that’s the problem. It can’t go on like this. It’s not fair to her.”

“Stop being such a martyr!” Graham was trying, and failing, to keep his voice down. His frustration was obvious. “She’s here of her own free will. We all are. And correct me if I’m wrong, but whatever Yaz feels for you isn’t one way. I’ve seen the way you are with each other.”

Yaz wanted to run as far away as she could; she didn’t want to hear the Doctor’s answer and she wished Graham had kept his mouth shut. It was too soon. And she had a horrible suspicion, given the way this conversation was going, that she wouldn’t like what the Doctor had to say in response.

There was a pregnant pause. 

“You’re mistaken, Graham.” Yaz sensed the Doctor move away and was grateful she didn’t see the tear that had escaped. Although Yaz couldn’t move, she could certainly cry. It felt like someone had just ripped her heart out. The pain was worse than any she’d felt, even with poison still coursing through her veins. 

“It can’t happen. I won’t allow it.”

“Even if you’re depriving yourself of happiness, Doc? Where’s the logic in that?”

There was the noise of a door opening and a new voice entered the fray.

“Oi! I could hear you down the corridor. You’ll wake Yaz.”

 _Ryan_. Of course Ryan would save the day. Yaz sent a mental prayer to whoever was listening that he’d intervened. She couldn’t take much more of this. 

The Doctor muttered something about checking the TARDIS shields and Yaz had to assume she left the room. She only knew Graham had left when she felt someone sit on the bed, and a thumb trace the tear track on her cheek. 

“Did you hear them?” Ryan asked, his voice low.

Yaz wished she could nod. She tried, anyway, surprised when her head actually moved slightly. Whatever was in her system was wearing off, but far too late. 

“Yaz. I’m sorry, mate. I doubt she meant it.”

Yaz felt her eyes flicker open, triggering a fresh wave of agonised tears that burned as they escaped down her cheeks. The saying _better late than never_ came to mind, but all Yaz could think of was that painful conversation, re-playing over and over in her head while she had to lie there and listen to it. It was a form of torture, she was certain. 

Ryan’s face was a blur but she could see concern clearly painted all over it. 

“Come here,” he murmured, leaning over and giving her the warmest, softest hug. Yaz let herself cry into his shoulder, wanting nothing more than to go home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently being grouchy and hot makes me want to write angst? :( 
> 
> The final chapter of this...then I'm going to write so much fluff <3

“I just...I thought there was something there,” Yaz sniffed, words coming haltingly as the effects of the poison wore off. She felt shitty, but it was hard to tell what was making her feel worse: the pins and needles in her limbs or her heart breaking. Altogether, the sensations culminated in something that was almost overwhelming. And as much as Ryan was trying to help, Yaz really needed some time alone. 

Ryan sighed, his hand resting on her shoulder in a gesture of comfort. 

“I did, too. I’ve never seen her look so anxious, though, when you were out of it. Maybe she was just stressing out about it all?”

Yaz shook her head. She really didn’t want to talk about it anymore. And to make things worse, a creeping sense of mortification was emerging and making things so much worse. How could she have been so stupid?

“You didn’t hear what she was saying, Ryan. It was pretty clear. Can we just pretend it never happened, yeah?” Her tone was desperate, pleading, but she didn’t care. It felt like her world had just caved in.

“Yaz-”

“No, honestly.” Yaz cut him off bitterly. “It was stupid to think it was even a possibility.”

All those daydreams about what life would be like with the Doctor - she’d known they were pipedreams at the time. But it was hard not to fantasise, given the extent of her feelings. And now those dreams were shattered into pieces so small they couldn’t be salvaged.

“Not stupid, Yaz. You can’t help how you feel.”

Yaz sniffled as she inspected a scuff on her shoe, knowing deep down that Ryan was right. But she needed to put some walls back up, protect herself from further hurt. Rational thinking was clearly not going to be a possibility at this point in time. She needed to get away and stop speaking before she said anything else too honest.

“Yeah, well. I just need to move on, don’t I?” The question was rhetorical but a part of Yaz wanted Ryan to disagree, to tell her that things would work out.

“Yeah. Maybe that might be best.”

_Ouch._

“Help me out of here?” 

Yaz wanted to hide. She knew the Doctor would find her eventually, but at least she could have some space and time to collect herself. It had been a foolish crush. One that she thought she’d kept hidden, but apparently not well enough. She didn’t even want to see Graham, knowing that he’d picked up on it, too. And the one person she wanted to see, the one person who normally made everything better, was the one person she couldn’t stand to be around right now.

So, when Ryan helped her back to her room, Yaz politely but firmly closed the door on him and cried herself to sleep. Things had to get better after this. This was rock bottom.

* * *

There was movement near her ear. A finger was carefully tucking her hair behind it. Yaz knew, from the lingering aroma of biscuits and tea, that the Doctor was with her. She resisted the urge to open her eyes and acknowledge her presence; instead, Yaz laid as still as she could, wondering what on earth the Doctor was doing. Checking on her, probably. 

But when the Doctor’s fingertip lingered by her ear, just barely grazing the skin of her cheek, Yaz couldn’t take it any longer. The sensation was borderline unbearable. _What was she doing?_ The Doctor seemed to have picked up on Yaz’s feelings towards her, so why was she here, touching her like that? A wave of irritation erupted, despite her best intentions. Had the signs and signals actually been there all along? Was this really as one-way as the Doctor had made out? And yet...the Doctor had instantly shut the possibility down. These mixed messages were making things far too painful.

Abruptly, Yaz rolled over, breaking the contact. It pained her to do so but the alternative was leaving herself open to more confusion, more anguish than she could handle right now. She had to imagine the Doctor’s reaction; the mattress moved as the other woman got up with a sigh, and only when the door clicked closed behind her did Yaz let the tears come again.

* * *

When Yaz awoke the next morning, she was relieved to feel that the pins and needles had at least gone. She still felt empty, and more than a little sad, but she knew the best cure for that. 

“Could we go home?”

The Doctor whirled around from her space at the console, face lighting up when she saw Yaz enter the room.

“Yaz! How are you feeling?”

She instantly started to stride over, faltering only when she picked up on Yaz’s body language. Her companion was leaning against the wall, arms folded, almost shrinking back on herself. 

“Silly question, right? Did you say you wanted to go home?”

The Doctor’s eyes were bright but even Yaz, in the depths of self-despair, could see the light behind them fading by the second. 

“Yeah. If that’s okay.”

She knew she should try and inject some life into her tone but it was too much of an effort to be around the Doctor right now. The only person she could bear to be around was her mum. The thought of Najia, no doubt sitting at home with a cup of tea and Coronation Street on the TV, was suddenly the most appealing thing in the universe. 

“Of course it is, Yaz.” The Doctor’s gaze was gentle as she tried to gauge the mood in the room. 

“Did I hear someone say home?” Graham said, rubbing his hands together as he joined them, Ryan in tow. “I could do with a quick trip back if that’s alright with you, Doc.”

He winked at Yaz when the Doctor turned back to the console, inputting their coordinates. 

“Home it is, then,” the Doctor smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

The journey back was uneventful and much quieter than usual. Yaz watched from a distance as the Doctor piloted the TARDIS, her movements less enthusiastic than normal. 

Although she wanted to bolt out of the door as soon as they landed, Yaz forced herself to let the others go first. But just as she was about to cross the threshold, the Doctor stopped her. 

“Yaz?”

Yaz looked back. 

There was a moment, then, when they just looked at one another without speaking. Yaz didn’t quite know what to say, or how to say it, so she let her guard down one final time, if only to leave the Doctor with an impression of exactly what she’d done. How much she’d hurt her. She looked directly at the Doctor and let her expression speak for her.

There was a flicker of recognition in the Doctor’s face and she instinctively took a step forward, about to speak, but Yaz shook her head. 

“You don’t need to say anything. I’ll see you around.”

The words were flippant but they were some of the hardest words Yaz had ever had to say. She turned away and walked out before the Doctor could even respond. 

* * *

The TARDIS was empty without the Doctor’s companions. Every time they said goodbye, the Doctor knew they were one goodbye closer to the last time they’d say the words. And yet this goodbye...this one had felt so very final. Yaz’s face, the way she’d spoken - she’d clearly overheard what the Doctor had said to Graham. And the Doctor, despite her years of wisdom and experience, didn’t know what to do about it. It was clearly too late to explain herself to Yaz, and she didn’t want to risk upsetting her further.

So the Doctor did what she did best. She focused on other people. She focused on other people so much that she filled 6 months without realising what she’d done. But the entire time, things hadn’t felt right. There’d been a very obvious, noticeable gap. And when she stopped to think about it, it wasn’t just the absence of her companions - it was the absence of one companion, in particular. The person who followed her like a shadow, who she could bounce ideas off, and who would never fail to bring a smile to her face. 

She missed Yasmin Khan. 

After a particularly harrowing escape from an exploding space station, the Doctor sat with her legs dangling from the TARDIS doors and admired the patch of universe she found herself in. She loved to do this with Yaz; pointing out galaxies as they drank endless cups of tea, laughing at each others’ jokes, sitting so closely together that they kept each other warm.

She loved to make Yaz smile. Thinking about it, it was what she had spent most of her time doing when they were alone. Which happened a lot. Whenever they needed to go their separate ways, she and Yaz were an obvious pair. Graham had even commented on it. And Ryan, now that she thought about it. 

Why did that keep happening? The Doctor frowned as she considered the question. 

And then, like hundreds of puzzle pieces fell into place simultaneously, it made sense. She loved doing those things with Yaz because she loved the person she was doing them with. She was in love with Yasmin Khan. 

The Doctor distantly felt her jaw drop as she let the thought wash over her. She was in love and she hadn’t even realised. 

“Idiot,” she muttered, getting to her feet and brushing off her singed trousers. Barely remembering to close the doors behind her, she headed straight for the console, hoping she could get back to Sheffield before it was too late. 

The Universe had other plans. 

She’d landed in the right place, at least. And what were the odds that the very person she was looking for would be there, at that same time?

As soon as she saw Yaz, the Doctor felt a rush of relief. Things would be okay. She’d made it. For the first time, the Doctor really saw Yaz; the familiar expression, the smile she loved so much, even her hair. Her leather jacket. The Doctor swallowed hard, feeling an uncharacteristic nervousness take residence. Did a change of gender change one’s perception of love? The Doctor was starting to think so. She really was in at the deep end with this one. Taking a breath, she started to walk towards Yaz but was stopped in her tracks only metres away. Luckily Yaz hadn’t seen her, because her attention was completely focused on another woman. A woman who had slipped an arm around Yaz’s waist, delivering a gentle kiss as they greeted one another. 

The Doctor’s stomach plummeted. She was far, far too late. For a split second there was the chance that Yaz would turn and see her, so the Doctor nipped down the nearest side street, peering around the corner when she thought it was safe. For Yaz to see her now would be disastrous.

The elation of realising she was in love had been cut so cruelly short. The Doctor supposed the strength of feeling she was experiencing now was commensurate with the depth of emotion; it just happened to be the very opposite of what she wanted to feel. She watched from afar as Yaz linked hands with the other woman, completely turning her back on the Doctor and disappearing into the crowd. 

An urge to follow Yaz came and went. What good would come of it? It was easier this way. The Doctor hated saying goodbye. She knew, in time, that they would come to forgive her. 

The Doctor took one last longing look at the crowd of people, knowing Yaz was in there somewhere, lost to her. Then she closed the TARDIS doors behind her and disappeared.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on twitter (@mag_lex) or Tumblr (maglex)


End file.
